I’m not picky

People have accused me of being picky, but those people are wrong. I’m not picky, I just happen to know what I like. Here, take coffee as an example…

I prefer to have freshly roasted beans ground no more than two minutes prior to steeping. Those grounds, having been ground at the Medium-2 setting on our burr grinder, should then be mixed with RO water heated to 185 *F. Eleven seconds of mixing in the Aeropress, filtration into my favorite mug, and then stir in 3/4 tsp. honey, 1.5 tbsp. half-and-half, plus an additional approximate 20 mL of heated water for dilution to the perfect concentration. Stir, sip, and enjoy. It’s that easy.

Sure, I could make the coffee another way, I could use 190 *F water, or less cream, or old beans, or whatever you want. Sure, I could… But why would I do that? If you have perfection available, why would you choose some inferior brew? That’s not about being picky, it’s about knowing what you like. Doing otherwise would just be silly.

Anyways, now that I’ve explained myself and you clearly see that I’m not picky, here’s what happened… I’m at step 13 in my post-work coffee making ritual (the steps above are the abridged version), when, horror of horrors, I find that we’re out of half-and-half! I quickly tamp down the feelings of panic, dread, anger, nausea, dizziness, agony, frenzy, fear, and alarm that threaten to overtake me, and my engineer’s mind kicks in. It rationalizes,

1. I can use something else. As long as it’s half-and-half.

2. We have milk and cream, so I can just make my own half-and-half.

A quick google search confirms my suspicions that half-and-half is composed of half milk and half cream. Having discovered the etymological origins of this compound, I carefully measure out equal volumes of the needed reactants and mix. Crisis averted! Homemade half-and-half is added to my coffee, and the world is once again a blissful place.

Except that now there’s weird little chunks floating in my coffee.

So what do I do? Do I go to the store to get more half-and-half? Do I make a cup of tea instead? Do I try again on the homemade 50-50, this time armed with my knowledge of surfactant chemistry, stabilizers, and suspensions? No, I just drink my coffee. Like I said, I’m not picky.

I’m sure there’s a lesson in here somewhere. Something about the universe being a complex place and how even simple things don’t always work out like you intend, but I don’t feel like going there. It’s quitting time, and I’m looking forward to a perfect cup of coffee.